Ruminating Slav

Welcome to my blog, ye searchers of the internet

• painfully full fruit swollen belly dream ride monkey: Are you sure those were fruit and not mushrooms?
• GILES POOPING: Watchers do not poop; it's unseemly.
• googly electronic keyboard for air conditioned: I'm afraid I cannot help you with that request.

There is a magical place

There is a magical place where pictures of Baxter flow like honey, where the tedious details of his everyday existence are mulled over. It is a very boring, plodding, family-friendly baby blog, and if you'd like to know its Top-Secret Location, then drop me a line -- I haven't posted it here since it includes pictures of family along with their names.

The mind, she sputters in fits and starts

cankle
Originally uploaded by *Karo*.

It's almost October, pine nuts! And oh-so many things happen in October: my and BK's second wedding anniversary, my in-laws' wedding anniversary, my parents' anniversary were-my-mother-not-dead-and-my-father-not-remarried, my father-in-law's birthday, my mother-in-law's birthday, my nephew's first birthday, and let's not forget that Iraqi constitutional referendum!

I think I may also be scheduled to give birth at some point in there.

All this following, if my local crack weather team is to be believed, the hottest September EVER in Dallas. EVER! How exciting is that? Just in case you cannot fully appreciate how hot it is, I present to you -- in lieu of my dignity -- one of my nasty-ass cankles, in all of its obscene, swollen glory. There is no ankle bone to be visibly found on that foot.

Tomorrow we get a visit from my sister-in-law, which means I get to spend tonight cleaning the house because BK was apparently not raised right (oh snap, I know I din'it!) and doesn't seem to care if there are piles of his laundry laying around when guests come round. Or if the red living room rug, a.k.a. Kong Slurping Central, is matted with a thick pelt of white hair, since Buster is the sheddingest motherfucking dog ever. Or if BK's three, unrinsed cereal bowls are just sitting in the sink, the leftover milk in them now completely solidified. CALL ME CRAZY, but I like to take care of These Little Details before inviting people into our home.

Jo of Leery Polyp fame has now posted the birth story of her child, which you can read starting here. However, I cannot with a clear conscience recommend that you do so if you are about to give birth, pregnant, thinking about getting pregnant, or planning on ever being pregnant in your life as it is quite the Tale. By which I mean it had me hiding under my desk, wimpering in fear after I read it. Good, unmedicated birthin' times!

Did I totally call the Chris O'Donnell show sucking, or what? First show of the season to be cancelled. Now I just bide my time until they can the Doogie show and wait for the phone calls with fabulous Hollywood pilot-reviewing offers to start rolling in. I never did get around to watching either of the new Apprentici, but from what I understand, neither did the rest of America so I don't appear to be missing much. Lost and the Housewives are going strong, so it looks like the only addition to my TiVo repertoire will be the Earl show, which I give two very swole thumbs up.

I am a punster!

Do you get it, internets? My non-scientific poll (actually, a non-scientific Korean -- HA, I DID IT AGAIN!) tells me you may just think I'm a poor speller, but there is method to my new banner's madness, I tell you! Method!

Mystery and gratitude

35w5d
Originally uploaded by *Karo*.

Readers! One of you is awesome (ok, all of you are awesome, but only one of you is for the purpose of this particular post), and I have no idea who. If you are in San Francisco and you sent Embie a little sumtin' sumtin' via the amazon wishlist at left, identify yourself! I hold here a thank-you note with a DUCK on it, a very CUTE DUCK, and I'd like to know whom I was sending it to before mailing it to the address on the label. Whoever you are, you rock. Thank you.

Also. Today is exactly one month from my due date. Holy hell. I had me the first of weekly probings today, and can report that there is no dilatin' or effacin' happening yet. So much for my plan of the baby just sort of falling out one day as I went about my daily bidness.

We've been typecast, I tell ya! Typecast!

Ever since Gridskipper launched, we here at Slav, Inc. headquarters have been eagerly awaiting the first Poland entry. Looks like that day has finally come, and surprise surprise -- it's all about sausage.

Happy Birthday to the Slav!

No, not me -- that's next week. Today it's the Ruminating Slav that turns one year old. Ah, how far we've come since the blogging stampede ... Not that far, actually. The Slav still craps its pants on a regular basis, after all. Let's all mash a cupcake onto our monitors to celebrate!

Hypothetical situation

Let us suppose that there is a blog one reads on a daily basis, and that this is not just any blog, but a SuperBlog. A SuperBlog maintained by one of the Blog Glitterati who like to gather at conventions for annual celebrations of their collective wit and charm. Let us then suppose that this particular SuperBlog has a monthly feature which one has read since its inception, and that this monthly feature always features the same teeny-tiny grammatical error. And let's just assume that one month one couldn't take it any more because the rest of the SuperBlog was so nice and tidy and well-grammaticized, and one emailed the Blog Glitteratus in Charge with a very apologetic email which acknowledged one's profound lameness at sending said email, blah blah blah, BUT here is the error, scrape scrape scrape. And what if the next time the monthly feature appeared the grammatical error had disappeared?

COINCIDENCE?

Most likely, yes. But sometimes one likes to hypothetically pretend one has reached out and touched the Internets.

Don't be shy. You know you liked it.

Today's entry in the sheer genius category

A pamphlet entitled What Everyone Should Know About Blog Depression, courtesy of the nonist

This might beat the McDonald's made me fat against my will lawsuits

American Express is suing Antoinette Millard for the unpaid $1-million she racked up on her Centurion card; Millard is countersuing American Express for "inducing" her into signing up for said card and then having the nerve to request that she pay for all of her exorbitant charges. Millard claims that she was mentally unstable because of 9-11, and her condition resulted in a seven-figure shopping spree for which she cannot be held responsible.

New York Post via Gawker