Who needs roses when you've got love coupons from The Onion?

Valentine's Day is just around the corner, banana nut muffins. I know that some of you might still be a little strapped after the holidays, while others of you might just be cheap-ass motherfuckers. In either case, I think The Onion has given us a leg-up on Monday's holiday. All you need now is three minutes with the color printer at work and BAM!

Don't say I never did anything for you.